| 1. You're eavesdropping and you hear your boss | | | | to make copies on his own and exclaims it works |
| has reservations at his favorite restaurant. You | | | | just fine, jam a paper clip in the innards of the |
| know, the one you can't afford. Call them back | | | | copy machine when nobody is looking.27. When |
| and cancel his reservations - say you're his wife.2. | | | | your boss asks you what you would like for |
| Have a friend of yours make an anonymous call | | | | secretaries' day, first of all, reply that you are not |
| to your boss saying that they know what he has | | | | a secretary. Request that he answers the phone |
| been up to, possess incriminating pictures, and | | | | on that day as well as having all of your whims |
| hang up. It will scare the bejesus out of him.3. Put | | | | fulfilled that are of inconceivable proportions.28. |
| chocolate ex-lax in your manager's chocolate | | | | Using desktop publishing, relabel a can of bug |
| licorice. Not only will you feel better, it may wipe | | | | spray as vanilla air freshener and place in men's |
| that constipated look off of his face too.4. Call the | | | | bathroom.29. Call in sick and leave a message on |
| local Mormon or Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints | | | | the company's voice mail. State that you are ill |
| church and ask that they visit your house soon, | | | | due to the overwhelming imbalance of wealth and |
| only give them your manager's home address.5. | | | | power within the company's structure and your |
| Every time your boss asks you a question, just | | | | illness should subside once you are paid what you |
| look at him and say "interesting" and go back to | | | | are worth.30. When your boss asks for a |
| what you were working on.6. Take your eyeliner | | | | donation to his son's little league fund, ask what |
| and smears it in his chair when he's not looking. | | | | the minimum amount is that you can donate in |
| His wife will feel needed when she has to heartily | | | | order to keep your job.31. When your boss |
| scrub and wash his pants.7. Turn the pictures on | | | | invites you to the company Christmas party, |
| his desk upside down and act overly sweet and | | | | matter-of-factly state that you'd prefer to spend |
| innocent when he asks if you know why they are | | | | it with rabid dogs and wild monkeys, but proclaim |
| like that.8. When your boss goes to the | | | | your sincere thanks just the same.32. Stockpile in |
| bathroom, turn his computer off. When he asks | | | | your office your manager's favorite type of pen |
| you if you know what happened, say that you | | | | so that he is constantly bewildered as to where |
| don't and it must have just crashed or something. | | | | they are disappearing and continues to order new |
| Smile like the Cheshire cat.9. Enlist a friend to | | | | boxes of pens repeatedly.33. During your yearly |
| deliver papers appearing to be legal documents | | | | review, exclaim that you would just like to discuss |
| that insinuate he is being sued for 4 million dollars. | | | | your raise and not your manager's suggestions or |
| Put word "joke" on the last page of the 20-page | | | | comments. Also, add that you do have a list of |
| document. It will be fun to watch beads of sweat | | | | improvements for him that you'd like to share.34. |
| form on his brow.10. Remove all toilet paper from | | | | Find boss's buttons and push them. If it is his |
| the men's bathroom and put it in the women's. | | | | weight, ask if he has gained weight or do those |
| Shake your head in disapproval of the janitorial | | | | clothes just make him look fat?35. Announce at |
| help in your office when your boss complains | | | | the next company birthday (cake eating in the |
| about it.11. Put your boss on all of the mailing lists | | | | lunchroom) that the boss is giving everyone a |
| of his most detested organizations and clubs. | | | | 10% raise. When your manager pulls you into his |
| When he asks you to call and have them remove | | | | office to discuss this, say that he sure is losing his |
| him from the lists, say of course, and never do | | | | sense of humor in his old age.36. Stack all |
| it.12. Replace the vodka in the liquor cabinet with | | | | incoming unwanted sales related faxes and printed |
| water. You're doing him a favor, really you are. | | | | e-mails on your manager's desk and connect all |
| When he comments that his vodka tastes like | | | | sales related calls to him, especially the stock |
| water, respond smartly by saying that it appears | | | | brokers. When your manager comments that he |
| that just about everyone is cutting corners these | | | | would like you to screen all sales related material |
| days.13. When he comments that the coffee is | | | | and calls, comment that you thought he was |
| too weak or too strong, ask, in a serious tone, if | | | | open to new ideas and new people and didn't |
| he is sure that his taste buds haven't changed.14. | | | | realize he was so introverted.37. After next |
| When your boss mentions a particular food that | | | | company announcement of a marriage or |
| he does not like, purchase that item repeatedly | | | | pregnancy, proclaim that you are getting married |
| and eat it in front of him. Put your garbage from | | | | and having a child, but not necessarily in that |
| that food into his garbage can, so that the smell | | | | order.38. When company phone bill gets passed |
| will linger in his office.15. When you arrive late, | | | | around asking you to highlight your personal calls, |
| move all clocks back. When you want to leave | | | | always state that you would never do that and |
| early, move all clocks forward. Pretend that all the | | | | never highlight anything. Say your family and |
| batteries need to be replaced.16. When your boss | | | | friends all reside in Tasmania.39. As soon as your |
| inquires about your weekend, say you went sky | | | | boss returns from a vacation, ask where he went |
| diving and to Italy. He will hopefully get your | | | | and always state that you vacationed there a |
| sarcasm and not ask again.17. When your | | | | few years ago and how fantastic it was.40. Five |
| manager inquires as to what your favorite TV | | | | minutes into the weekly company meeting, |
| show is, reply that it is a child's show like Sesame | | | | excuse yourself to go to the restroom and return |
| Street. Say it like you mean it.18. Out of the blue, | | | | twenty minutes later when it is wrapping up.41. |
| say you have an emergency appointment with | | | | When the boss is out of town, forward the |
| your astrologer and it is important that you leave | | | | phones to your house and take a nap. Run back |
| now because your charts are waiting!19. For your | | | | to the office if something needs to be done.42. |
| manager's birthday, hire a palm reader to read | | | | Position a cup of coffee on your manager's desk |
| your manager's palm. Pay them an extra $50 to | | | | so that when he sits down, you can pretend to |
| say "Oh My" in the middle of the reading and not | | | | fumble for papers on his desk and easily knock it |
| be able to continue.20. Grind up leaves from your | | | | onto his lap. State that you hope it isn't hot and |
| backyard that look like pot, put into a baggie, and | | | | that no third degree burns are inflicted.43. If you |
| send it to your boss. Stand there while he opens | | | | are single, place your grandmother's antique |
| it and gasp when the contents are revealed. Say | | | | diamond ring on your married finger on the left |
| "it is none of my business" and walk out of the | | | | hand. When boss asks you if anything new has |
| room.21. Call the fire department and pretend you | | | | happened to you recently after he clearly notices |
| are in the office next door to yours and exclaim | | | | your ring, state nonchalantly "no, not really." If you |
| there is a massive inferno in the building next to | | | | are married, remove your wedding ring and state |
| yours. It is guaranteed to raise your manager's | | | | the same answer when asked the same |
| blood pressure a few points or more when the | | | | question.44. On casual dress day, wear a bathing |
| firemen arrive.22. Time your manager when he | | | | suit top and the shortest shorts that you own. |
| goes out to run personal errands and comment | | | | When you are called into your boss's office to |
| that he took an exceptionally long break when he | | | | discuss this, ask for a list that defines the |
| returns.23. Run into the office exclaiming to your | | | | parameters of the casual dress day code.45. |
| manager that his car has a huge dent in the side! | | | | Circulate an anonymous memo that this coming |
| Walk outside with him when he goes out to | | | | Friday is fetish day so dress appropriately. Add |
| examine it. After he looks it over thoroughly and | | | | that a $100 prize will be awarded to the freakiest |
| asks you what you saw because he can't see it, | | | | costume.46. After your boss gives you an |
| apologize that it must have just been the way | | | | overwhelmingly long list of items for you to |
| the light was reflecting on it that made it appear | | | | complete, ask if he'd like for you to wipe his ass |
| that way.24. Exclaim how sorry you are that your | | | | as well.47. Take items out of your manager's |
| manager's grandmother died over the weekend | | | | sack lunch. When he comments on this |
| and that you read about it in the obituaries. | | | | phenomenon, reply that society is degenerating at |
| Declare that it must have been somebody with | | | | an unbelievable rate.48. When you manager asks |
| the same name when he says he has no idea | | | | you how your day is going, be honest. Say, well, if |
| what you are talking about and begins frantically | | | | people that worked for this company weren't so |
| dialing his grandmother.25. Superglue two middle | | | | dysfunctional and psychotic, it might be a |
| pages of your manager's favorite book and | | | | marginally average place of employment.49. When |
| return to the shelf. He will find it after the glue | | | | your boss says "good morning", quickly reply, "Oh |
| has permanently set.26. When you are simply not | | | | is it?"50. Once a week, send an anonymous email |
| in the mood to get out of your chair, proclaim | | | | to your boss that is spiteful in nature. To kick it |
| that the copier is broken when your boss asks | | | | off, the first one should simply read, "you are |
| for copies to be made. If your manager attempts | | | | pond scum. |